Going back to school has been interesting for me. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed school. It’s nice to be a student. It’s so weird that I’m in this place again. As I go thought my classes, I keep thinking over and over, “I can’t believe I’m actually doing this.”
When I earned my AA and left school in December of 2011, I walked away convinced that I would never return to school. I certainly didn’t believe that I would ever decide to earn a higher degree. The more I think about it the more I realize how much my heart has changed over the past couple of years. There were so many things that I never thought I’d change my mind about, but it has happened. My tastes, dreams, desires, and ideals (for the most part) have changed drastically. Like, if my past self saw me now, she would be utterly shocked and maybe even angry. I would hardly recognize myself.
I think that just about everyone comes to this point in their lives (perhaps several times) where they realize that their life is suddenly full of things they never thought they would do or think or say. We grow and change and become the people we never thought we would, better or worse or just…different. I imagine a past version of myself rolling her eyes at the little changes, like the style choices I make or the music I listen to. I see her confusion at the way that I deal with negative emotion. I see her fear and disapproval at the life goals that I have set for myself as well as the goals that I have decided to let go of or alter. I see her lack of interest in many of the things that I am passionate about. Sometimes this past version of myself sits on my shoulder and makes me question everything I do and think and feel. I have to remind myself that I don’t really like that girl. I like who I am. I like who I’m becoming. This is something that I don’t believe all the time, but those times that I do are so freeing. I think one of the most stark contrasts between past me and present me is that I’m no longer trying so hard to be something in particular. I’m not trying to fit into a category. I’m not trying to be something that I’m not. I’m not trying to be flawless or hide all of my flaws. This might sound terribly cliche and cheesy, but right now, I’m just being me. And I like being me. I can grow and change a lot but I will always be this person that God has created me to be (and after all, He directs my steps).
This post kind of got away from me…anyway, I can’t seem to think of a way to conclude this one other than to say that a life full of “I never thought I would…” can be a great life to live. There are so many things that we never saw coming and things yet to come that we might never predict and I think that’s exciting…and a little bit scary.
This month is going to be one of the most busy and hectic months of my life…and it is all my doing. So I’m a kind of behind in my school-work because last week, I spent almost no time on homework due to the car accident, John Green’s book signing (truly the highlight of my week…and possibly month…year? haha), halloween, and other busy fun things. Plus I’ve been making more of an effort to go to church, which means I have to learn to manage my time better. So yeah, those are my excuses for being behind(not to mention I ditched some of my classes…I know, I’m a terrible scholar haha). So this month I really need to buckle down because the semester is going to be over before I know it. Another reason I will be busy this month is because it contains two very important birthdays of friends that I see often, therefore I will, no doubt, be invited to whatever it is they are putting on…or whatever. Reason 3: thanksgiving + christmas-shopping-rush at work(most likely). #4-My best friend Jen and I are going to see my favorite band, The Decemberists! I can’t wait!!!
Thing 5: NaNoWriMo. National Novel Writing Month that is. I’ve decided to participate in it this year, and I’m quite excited about it. If you don’t know, NaNoWriMo is this thing where every november whoever wants to participate, writes a 50,000 word novel in the month of November. No joke: start writing on November 1st and be finished by November 30th. It’s basically just a thing to get your creative juices flowing and help you not to worry so much about whether or not it is “good.” Just write it, get it out, do what you want…and if it’s crap, it’s crap and your just awesome for even trying. And naturally, since I am an aspiring author, this really appealed to me. I’m getting a late start though, because I didn’t decide to do it until the 5th, so I need to get crack’n! But even if I don’t finish all the way to 50,000 words, it will be nice to have tried, and perhaps I will continue to write even when it’s all over…maybe it will actually be good haha.
If you want to know more about NaNoWriMo, and maybe even join, the website is: http://www.nanowrimo.org/
…and my personal profile on there is at: http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/459521
…so if you want to do it too, make a profile and whatnot then add me as a writing buddy and we can encourage each other and whatnot. I’d love that 🙂
So yeah. Now you know why I will be busy this month. So that, of course means that my blogs will be few and far between…well most likely anyway. Maybe I will post excerpts of my novel every once in a while…if I deem it worthy.
Today was my first day of college. I only had one class today though. But I’m really excited. It’s an english class, and we will be doing A LOT of writing. I’m really looking forward to getting better at writing.
I’m also excited because my class gets out the same time as four of my friends so we get to have lunch together every tuesday and thursday! I’m really looking forward to it! Tomorrow I have to get up fairly early. I have a psychology class at 8:00 am. Then I have a looong break and go to a sociology class at 2:00 pm. It will be nice to take classes I’m interested in, unlike in high school. And actually learn new things and be challenged! Oh, and then I have a math class on saturday morning at 8:00 am. It will be easy though, I scored kind of low on the assessment test because I was out of math for a year, so this semester is pretty much a brush up for me. So it shouldn’t be too stressful.
Due to the fact that I will be going to school full time, working part time, making time for friends & family, and doing homework (which includes lots of essays), I might not be able to post blogs as frequently, but I will try. I do enjoy blogging. maybe sometimes I will post my essays if I haven’t had time to blog in a while …or something…haha.
Today was a little bit hard for me, especially this morning as I was getting ready to leave. I was thinking about my mom. She would have been excited to be here as I left for my first day of college. She would have told me she was proud of me. She would have teared up saying “my baby is growing up!” I think days like this will always be hard for me.
But at least I’m not alone.