Best Friends Aren’t For Everyone

Over the past few years, a lot of my friends have been getting married. As is customary, each of these friends has had to choose someone to be the maid of honor or best man. This led to me thinking about who I might choose to fill that role in my own (currently hypothetical) wedding. Thinking about this brought me to a realization that, at first, was a bit distressing. I have plenty of really good close friends, but I don’t actually have a best friend anymore. There is not just one friend who I spend the most time with or who knows the most about me or whatever it is that makes a best friend a best friend. There is not one friend who I feel closer to than all other friends. There are definitely friends who are closer than others, but there is nobody in first place. Nobody who stands just slightly higher than the rest. I’ve had best friends in the past for sure but over time, due to whatever circumstance, we grew apart or just came to a point where we weren’t quite so close or involved in each other’s lives. And that’s fine, really. There’s nothing wrong with that. That’s sort of how life goes.

But I remember when I was younger, I thought that having a best friend was essential to life. Other people had best friends – that friend who had almost everything in common with them or that friend who had known them, like forever or that friend that had just always been there in the difficult times, etcetera. But that’s just not something that I can find in any one person anymore. Not currently anyway. When I came to the realization that I don’t have a best friend, it really bothered me. I started to think that maybe there was something wrong with me. I started to think it was really sad. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized: best friends aren’t for everyone (at least not for everyone while they are single… I would hope that married people would consider their spouse to be their best friend… that’s the ideal, anyway).

I had to ask myself if I was really lacking anything in terms of friends. Did I really need a best friend? Wasn’t it enough to just have a few really good friends? Honestly, when I look at the friends that I have, I am so thankful and so satisfied with who God has placed in my life. I like the fact that different friends can relate to me in different ways. I have some friends who have just been in my life for a really long time and have been with me through so much that we have a deep bond. I have other friends who totally get all my geeky/nerdy things and we can just be super weird together. I have friends who understand my creative side and we can encourage each other and talk about our creative process and other things of that nature. I have other friends who fill other parts that I don’t even know how to put into words. And having a varied group of friends also means that I have friends who relate to each part of my rather wide-ranged sense of humor and my varied taste in music, movies, books, etc. And I know my relationships with all of them go even deeper and can be even more complicated than that, but I don’t even know how to explain that here… you probably get it without me having to spell it out. The more I thought about all of these things, the more I realized how well off I am in the area of friendship. I have so much. I am so wealthy in this regard that it is absurd for me to think that I am missing something.

Some people do have a best friend, and that’s great. A best friend is a special thing indeed. But, let’s not fool ourselves into thinking that we all have to have that one person that fits that label in our lives. It is not essential. As stated before, best friends aren’t for everyone. Right now, having a best friend isn’t for me. I’ve had them in the past, maybe I’ll have one in the future, but I’m not going to think about it too much. After all, I’m pretty dang happy with the close friends I’ve got. I don’t like one friend better than another, I like them each differently. I love them each uniquely for who they are as individuals and I am so blessed by how each one of them has made my life better.

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4 thoughts on “Best Friends Aren’t For Everyone

  1. Love this! Thanks for sharing. In different seasons of life, I’m drawn closer to some people and less close to others, and I’m only barely getting used to that being a good thing for me—that I don’t always need to have “a person” because I’ve been given “a community.” That can be hard sometimes, but it’s also really healthy for me.

    • I’m happy to share 🙂

      Well said. I think it’s really hard when we first come to that realization, but it’s actually kind of freeing once that truth is accepted. Lately the big thing for me has been learning not to limit myself by those weird standards that developed over the course of my life. It’s really helping me to be more content and happy with what I have.

  2. Awesome Brown! Thanks for sharing.

    I’m totally the same! I never really had a best friend, until I met my wife. But before we got married and I was forced to choose a best man, but I couldn’t. I was faced with the realization that I don’t have a “best man”. I remember telling my wife that this was a really difficult, because I didn’t have a best friend. I was tempted to ask my wife to be my “best man” but she giggled and said that would be silly.

    After some thinking and praying, I realized that I didn’t need a best man! I could just choose some really good friends in my “community of friends”, and call it a day.

    After considering that I didn’t need a “best friend”, now I was forced to choose a small amount of really good friends, and what a blessing that was. When I started my list, I started naming friend after friend! 🙂

    Again thanks for sharing!

    • That reminds me of my friend Chelsea! She’s getting married in July and when she asked me to be in her wedding, she said she wasn’t going to choose a maid of honor, so we are all maids of honor!
      There really is no need to have one single friend who is closer than the rest if that didn’t already happen naturally. And what a blessing it is to have a community of close friends 🙂

      It’s so cool to see how many people can relate to this! 🙂

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