I may be procrastinating…

I’m . . . back?

So . . . this is awkward. My last blog post was posted three months shy of a full year ago. A lot can happen in that amount of time. Unfortunately, I somehow managed to decide that none of that was worth blogging about. And now I am out of practice. Let me clarify: 1. There were many blog-worthy events that have happened during this silent era and 2. I have been writing, just not blogging . . . there is a difference.

I’m wondering if anyone is going to read this, since it has been so long, and everyone who read it before probably suspects that this page is cold and buried. I do miss doing this and really want to start doing it again more regularly, but I need to get back into the swing of things. So this is sort of a test run for me to see if I can still do this style of writing.

Goodness, this must be a boring read. I apologize. You have my permission to fix your attentions elsewhere. Perhaps you are waiting to hear back from a friend on Facebook, or you’re wondering if the Vlogbrothers have posted a new video on Youtube today. Go right ahead. Click away, this is merely a practice post. I’ll think of something more interesting to talk about next time. Perhaps tomorrow. No . . . I’ll be finishing the homework that I’m supposed to be doing right now.

Speaking of homework . . . That is probably the main contributing factor to my absence here. Especially this semester. I am taking a Creative Writing: Creative Non-Fiction class. I have been reading a lot and working on a piece for this class. I am writing a memoir-style short story. I am estimating that it will be 15 to 20 pages long. That seemed daunting at first, but the more I get into it, the more it seems that it might actually be longer.
I’m not really sure if I’m actually enjoying writing it. Not that I’m hating it, or anything. It’s just . . . difficult. I’m writing about the experience of losing my mom. I’ve told the story to various people before, so I thought it wouldn’t be that hard. But it is. It most certainly is. I’m hitting so many road blocks that I can’t really imagine reaching my destination anymore. I will, but it’s not going to be easy. It’s a hard place to revisit and my memory has been failing me in certain areas where my story is begging for details. I have to be vigilant in my constant struggle against explaining my emotions and coming off as whiney and pathetic. I definitely think that this class is growing me as a writer. There are so many things that I didn’t even take into account before. Like showing rather than telling and trusting my audience.
I have to keep reminding myself why I am writing this story. It is not necessarily for sympathy. I am writing it because I sort of need to write it. I’ve gotten it out verbally, now I need to get it out textually. I understand my thoughts and memories better when I have written them out. I am writing this story because I don’t want the pictures to fade as they are already. I am writing this story because revisiting the sight reminds me of the things that I have learned. I am writing this story because it could possibly have a positive affect on someone else . . . not that I’m necessarily going to let everyone read it 😛 .  But anyway, I’m not sure if this is a story that needs to be told or needs to be heard (or read) but I am compelled to write it nonetheless.

So, anyway, that was a little glimpse of what my mind has been going through over the past few months. I hope it was slightly interesting to read. If you’ve read this far, thanks for sticking with it 😛 . As mentioned before, I’m just trying to get back into this because I miss it.     . . . also, I was having trouble with my homework and needed a break 🙂 .

Hopefully I’ll keep at this.

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8 thoughts on “I may be procrastinating…

  1. Sorry for losing your mum. It must be hard. As for writing, make it real. Some people communicate their feelings and thoughts better in written form than verbally.

  2. It’s a story that needs to be written, needs to read and needs to be heard because your Mom was a special person, not only to you but to us as well. She was a Proverbs 31 woman…strength and dignity, godly wisdom and kindness were her clothes. Along with you we will rise up and call her blessed and thank God that she was in our lives. I think it is a story that needs to be shouted from the mountain tops – she was that special. We join with you remembering the journey and looking forward to what is ahead. You are a refection of her care and love and guidance. Tell the story. I especially like your writing style. I feel like I am sitting across the table from you listening to you speak. Keep up the good work. Love you.

  3. I’m so glad you are writing again, I really love to read your blogs, they are very deep and heart felt, and I find them easy to read. I think it’s great that your writing about your Mom, my best friend has encouraged me to start a memory book about your Mom. My friend grew up with me and Barb, and she knows how close Barb and I were and she reminisces with me all the time, but she said I should write them down so I never forget them. I think you should write things down too so you can share them with your kids someday. If we write them down now while they are still so clear, they will always remain vivid. Your Mom is unforgettable, but I don’t want to forget a single moment I spent with her. So good luck with your story, just allow God to guide you and it will be the most beautiful story ever written! I love you, and I see her in both you and Daniel, and it is a very comforting feeling. Aunt Nancy

    • I was actually thinking of keeping a memory journal too. I haven’t started it yet, but I bought a notebook for that purpose a while back. Maybe I’ll start it after the semester.
      It would be a good way to combat my fear of forgetting her. I just wish I had started earlier because it seems like some things are getting a bit fuzzy-but maybe once I start to write things down, the things that are gone will come back to me.
      Thanks for the encouragement 🙂

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