A while ago (I’m not quite sure how long ago, maybe a week or two), I was out to lunch with some of my friends. We were having fun, joking around and whatnot, when my friend corey got a phone call. He got up and walked a way from us so he could take the call without distraction. We all just continued in our odd conversations, not realizing what upsetting news was being brought to our dear friend. When he finished his phone conversation, he slowly walked over to his cheerful friends. He quietly sat into his seat, and with tears in his eyes and a quivering lip, he informed us that his father was in the hospital and not doing very well at all. Instantly my heart sank. I wasn’t hungry anymore. We all just stared at him just as helplessly as he stared back. My mind was racing. All the images of my dying mother flashed across my mind. All the terrible emotions flooded out through my eyes. My friend Lisah, wise as can be, suggested we all pray for him right there in the food court. So we bowed our heads and one by one we prayed for him. It was so hard for me to get the words out because I was crying just about as hard as he was. All I could think of was I didn’t want him to hurt the way that I was hurting. I didn’t want him to have to go through all of this.
When we finished praying we threw away our half-eaten meals and headed for my car. I put my arm around corey and offered whatever comfort I could, knowing all the while, there is only so much I can do. I drove as fast as I could to get corey to his car so he could get to the hospital. I know that when I first heard that my mom was in the hospital all I could think about and all that mattered to me was getting there to be with her as fast as I could. We got there safely despite my speeding and despite the blur of my tears. I brought corey to his car, knowing that he was going to drive as fast as he could, I reminded him that the last thing his family needs is to be visiting him in the hospital as well. I drove home praying that he would get there safely.
When I arrived home, I fell to the floor. I cried as hard as I did the day that I knew my mother was going to die. I felt so helpless. I didn’t know what to do. So I tried to think of what I could do for them. So I went out and put together a little care package and later that day my friend Jennifer and I went to visit the family in the hospital. I wish there was more I could have done. But in situations like this…there really isn’t much you can do. The family was happy to see us, and things seemed like they were getting better. So I went home feeling a bit better.
From there, there have been many ups and downs. One day Corey tells me his dad is doing better, and the next, something else is wrong. And it seemed to keep going back and forth in this fashion.
The other day, Corey informed me that things were getting worse again. Much worse. So I kept praying.
Today, I got a text message. He had passed away.
I’m really getting tired of people I love losing loved ones. It hits me harder every time. I really don’t understand this, but I am convinced that God has a purpose for all of it. I just wish it didn’t have to be so devastating.
But I said it before, and I’ll say it again: I don’t want a God that I can understand.
In Memory of Jerry Todd.