Sorry for posting so many depressing blogs, I’m just going through some tough times right now. There are other things going on besides what I mention in my blogs as well, so that definitely adds to it. But I’m not depressed all the time as it may seem. My emotions just come and go. Which is fine…that’s life. When I wrote my last blog, I was in one of those extremely helpless moods, where nothing could make me feel better and I just wanted to cry my hardest until I could cry no more, then retire to my bed, completely exhausted just so I could wake up feeling numb…which is what happened. I don’t understand it but it helps me somehow to do that. Its almost like torturing myself so that when I let up, I feel good.
Yesterday was an emotional one too, but I called my best friend, Jen and she came to my rescue. So it ended up being a good day. I am very fortunate to have a friend like her. She is like a precious gem in this dingy cave.
Well tomorrow I get to have lunch with some of my family. I haven’t seen them in a while, so I really miss them. It’s my mom’s side of the family, her mother and two sisters. So we are all kind of going through this together. For some reason I find that incredibly comforting. So anyway, I am really looking forward to seeing them, especially my grandma. Through this whole tragedy I have grown to love my family with greater intensity. I’m not exactly sure why that is. But I think its wonderful. I am also discovering so much about myself, all the while, I am changing a lot. I think I change a little bit each week, which is strange. I wonder what I’ll be like a month from now. Well anyway, I have to leave for work soon, so I guess I should end this now. Please keep me in your prayers. God is testing me and molding me, and the enemy doesn’t like it one bit. I am weak and I fail. But over all God is carrying me. Praise the King.