A bit of advice…when someone you love very much has recently died, DO NOT watch a movie in which someone loses someone close to them…it will KILL you. At least thats the effect it had on me. Honestly I never cry at movies, maybe sometimes I start to feel like I’m going to cry, but I never actually cry at movies. Well that changed today. So I decided to watch the movie “P.S. I Love You” today. If you’ve seen it, you will understand…sort of. It really affected me because this was the fist time I can actually really sympathize with a character losing someone so close. Not only was the fact that she lost her husband sad(don’t worry I didn’t just give away the ending, that happens in the beginning and comes across quite clear in the previews.), but the parts that got to me the most were when she was crying and her mother was there for her. This triggered and avalanche of saddening thoughts. As I glanced up at my mother’s urn, I thought about all the tough things that people normally have to deal with in life, and I realized that my mother won’t be there to hug me, listen to me, cry with me, or calm me down. She won’t be there when I meet that man that I will spend the rest of my life with. She won’t be there when I marry him. My husband will never get to meet her. My children won’t ever know their grandmother. I won’t be able to call her when I need advice on mothering my children. She won’t be by my side, holding my hand in the delivery room when I have my first child. She won’t cry at my college graduation, when I move out, or at my wedding. She’s not going to be there like she always was in the past. And there is certainly no suitable replacement.
Next time you see me, please, give me the biggest hug you can manage. It won’t take the pain away, but, clearly, I need all the help I can get.