I know, you probably don’t want to read another blog that has to do with my deceased mother, but you can complain to me when you lose someone you loved with all your heart…tell me you can get them off your mind, and tell me you can go without incorporating them into various aspects of your life…in this case, writing. But don’t worry, this one’s not quite as depressing.
Anyway…I had a strange dream today when I fell asleep on the couch (I was exhausted because I got up early). I dreamed that I was watching TV and my mom was in the kitchen. I walked into the kitchen and saw a HUGE spider. Its body was almost the size of a baseball. I screamed and pointed so my mom could see it. She, in her composed manner said “I got it” and as I left the room in fright she killed the spider and disposed of it. “Its gone, you can come back in” she called and went back to whatever it was she was doing. I walked back in and saw another big insect, I don’t know what it was, but it looked something like a black lobster without claws. My mom ran to it and disposed of it the way she had the spider. “Thanks mom” I smiled, I am terrified of insects. She said nothing, but smiled back at me and went back to what she was doing. This is when I woke up from my dream. I sat there for a while thinking about it, and looked up at my mother’s urn. My mother always would save me from the spiders that terrified me. I thought “well I guess I’ll have to learn to face my fears.” I also thought it odd that in my dream, the fact that my mother was still alive was completely normal to me. It just felt like any other day. I find that every time I dream of her it’s like that. It’s just as though she still walks in this house. When I dream I think nothing of it. I guess when I sleep I forget that my mother no longer lives. Maybe subconsciously I’m not as used to it as I thought I was.