Watching Someone Die

I’ve heard this song many times before, but never really understood it until I had a very similar experience. 

“What Sarah Said”
by Death Cab For Cutie:

And it came to me then
That every plan is a tiny prayer to Father Time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU
That reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself
That I’d already taken too much today
As each descending peak on the LCD
Took you a little farther away from me
Away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines
In a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend
On a faulty camera in our minds
But I knew that you were a truth
I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground
As the TV entertained itself

‘Cause there’s no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous paces bracing for bad news
Then the nurse comes around and everyone lifts their head
But I’m thinking of what Sarah said
That love is watching someone die

So who’s going to watch you die
So who’s going to watch you die
So who’s going to watch you die

 

The line “love is watching someone die” keeps replaying itself in my mind. I never quite understood it. But I do now. I litterally watched my mother slowly die right there in front of me in that ICU hospital bed. It was at that time that I realized just how much I loved her.  I didn’t want to leave her side, I forgot about everything else, suddenly she was, not only the most important, the only important thing in the world. There was no place I wanted to be more, than to be there by her side in that moment. 
Now as I listen to this song, I can’t help but notice that it is frighteningly similar to my experience and my emotions. The picture painted by those words has never been so real to me. 

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