All That’s Left Standing

About a month ago, my brother and I drove up to visit some family. They live in a city near San Francisco. It is always nice to get away and visit loved ones whom are not often seen, but going away like that is always bittersweet. It is great to be around other people and to be in a different environment, not having to worry about the normal stresses that always seem to pop up at home, but being away also makes me realize how much I actually like being home. Perhaps it is selfish, but I like having my own room, a bathroom with everything just as I have decided to place it, a kitchen in which I can find anything I need without having to open every cupboard door. I like being able to drive without directions, knowing where I want to go and how to get there. I like being able to see my close friends by driving only a few minutes. It causes me to realize that, even though the place that I live is not the most exciting place, I like it here and I miss it when I’m away. But perhaps I allow myself to be too comfortable. [Don't get me wrong, I love my family and I really enjoyed visiting... as I said... bittersweet].

Well anyway, that was not what this post was going to be about… that was sort of a rabbit trail. What I really wanted to talk about is this: driving around in San Francisco (or riding around, since I wasn’t driving) and seeing the older architecture, passing by a graveyard with its bright white tombstones and walking in a park, seeing benches with little plaques on them, dedicated to various people… these things get my mind going. I begin to imagine. I like seeing those old houses, not only because they are aesthetically pleasing, but also because of all the possibilities of places for my mind to explore. I imagine what this place looked like when it was new, what the city was like, who lived there, who has replaced them over the years and who lives there now. There are so many stories represented by just one building that I will probably never know. It is like this with graveyards and memorials as well. All those names. They represent someone that was most likely loved and missed when they died. They represent lives lived by mostly ordinary people that are only memories until those remembering are no longer living. They represent stories [and I love stories].At one point during our little vacation, we walked through a little concert park within Golden Gate Park. As I briefly mentioned earlier, there were rows and rows of green, wooden benches, most of them with little bronze plaques on the place where spectators would rest their backs. These fascinated me because most of these plaques had the names of people to whom the benches were detected. Many of which had been deceased at the time of the dedication as indicated by the words “In Memory.” Memory. That’s all that these are. Memories. These names are representative of loved ones lost whom the living feel the the utmost necessity to keep alive somehow through memory. This feeling is all too familiar to me, having been trying to keep the memory of my mother alive for a little over three years now. But I think, because of my own experience, this idea fascinates me quite a bit. I can’t help but ask the question, hopefully without sounding insensitive: Is it truly important to remember the dead, or do we only make it thus to make ourselves feel comforted? I understand remembering important people in history for reasons that are obvious, but what about ordinary people? Who, besides me, really stops and looks at old buildings or tombstones or plaques and tries to imagine who these objects represent? And of those, who really knows who these people actually are? Who remembers them now, when those holding them in memory are no longer living? Does it really matter on this earth? It seems that these buildings and names etched in stone and metal are all that are left standing to really memorialize these people. And it all feels so important, but is it really?

Now, I hope that I have not stepped on any toes. I mean no disrespect to those who have passed away and those who miss them. Believe me, I feel that the remembrance of my mother is extremely important… but it is important only to those who knew her or those who are close to me now and care about the things that I care about. So, here I am talking more about whether it is important for others to remember these people. When my mom passed away, I wanted the whole world to stop and remember who she was and to pay their respects to her. But, obviously, that is illogical and unnecessary. This is what I am talking about. All those people forgotten. It could seem like a sad and horrible thing, but I would venture to say that it is not. And, for some reason, I find that fascinating.

[Feel free to discuss this with me in person or in comments or however you communicate with me. I've sort of kept these thoughts stewing in my own mind for a while and would be interested to see how others would contribute to or change my thoughts.]

Little Reminders

Arriving home from a short vacation, I had so many plans for the week ahead. There are people to spend time with, projects to finish and a messy bedroom to clean. But just before I left to head home, I began to feel sick. I didn’t feel too terrible at first, thinking I would probably feel better soon and would still be able to go about my week with all the things that I was so confident I would be able to do. But the illness got worse upon my arrival home and the next morning I felt more sick than I have in over three years. I became useless, not being able to stand for very long and not having the strength to do anything that wasn’t a sedentary activity.

I am reminded, here, of a few different things. First off, there is nothing like illness that reminds me so well of the effects of sin and the utter weakness of mankind. Second: Proverbs 16:9 which says “The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.” and James 4:14-15 which says “Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.’” I am reminded that I don’t have as much control of my life, as I often think that I do. God is sovereign over everything. I had planned to do so many things, but He planned for me to slow down and realize my dependance on Him. He has reminded me that I am but a feeble human and the only way that I can accomplish anything is by the strength that He gives me.

I find joy in the fact that the Lord can bring all of this to my attention by simply allowing me to catch the flu (or whatever this is).

At Least It’s Still February…

I have been thinking about Valentine’s Day… that is, I am still thinking about Valentine’s Day, even though it is long gone and I have many other things to occupy my thoughts. I have been meaning to share my thoughts on this holiday, but school has a funny way of preventing me from doing such things… such things as blogging, that is. As February 14th came closer and closer, I kept telling myself, “I’ll write a Valentine’s Day blog!” and as I stared the day right in the face, I figured, “I’ll write a blog a day or two from now, and I’ll call it ‘Reflections of Valentines Day,’ or something like that.” But then I just kept on walking, as the 14th waved me away. But I still have these thoughts that I think would make a decent post. And… well… at least it’s still February!

I have always loved Valentine’s day. Always. I have also always been single on Valentine’s Day – single in both the original meaning of being unmarried and the meaning that young people often use to describe a person who is not currently dating. I have never joined the bitter ranks who like to call it Single Awareness Day, snickering to themselves at the imagined cleverness of that acronym, SAD. I haven’t even joined those who brood at the fact that Valentine’s Day is a commercial holiday in which corporations brainwash men into thinking that they have to prove their love with diamonds, flowers, chocolates and cards… and those ridiculously large stuffed animals that nobody really knows what do to with. No, I have always found so many reasons to enjoy that day every year of my life. While I do strongly believe that we can show others that we love them every day of the year (and maybe, we actually should), I really like the idea of having a day that is a celebration of love. I like having a day in which I tell people how much I love them and why I love them. I like making cards for people (no matter how much I am lacking in artistic skill). I like eating chocolate with my girl-friends and watching cute movies. I like wearing pink and red and painting my nails just for the fun of it. I like letting my dad and my brother (and in the past, my mom) know, again that I love them and am glad to have them. I love looking through the Bible to find all the verses about love and praising the God who is, Himself, love. I think it is something my mother instilled in me. We always had cards, flowers, scriptures and little gifts between us on Valentine’s day. She always made it special, and I intend to keep it special.

I honestly don’t see why Valentine’s Day should be only for couples-going-on-dates, or elementary-school-children-giving-classmates-tiny-cards. I think our culture has a strange obsession with romantic love that completely discounts other types of love. While romantic love is a beautiful, wonderful thing, so is love between two friends and love between brother and sister or father and daughter. What is it about romantic love that makes so many people think it is the sole purpose for living? I notice so many people being depressed on Valentines Day because they “have no one,” but they are actually surrounded by people who love and care about them. I have never considered myself to be “alone on Valentine’s Day” and I don’t think that I ever will be. There is more to love than just romance and attraction.

… But anyway, I sort of ran out of steam there at the end, but I think you get my point. Perhaps I would have written this much better had I done it sooner while the thoughts were much fresher. Ah well…

It’s Coming…

So, we are coming to the end of October. You know what that means…
Halloween?
Yes, but…no.
Midterms?
No!
Daylight savings…?
No no no. NaNoWriMo of course!
What’s that?
National Novel Writing Month! NaNoWriMo! That’s right, it’s time to prepare to write a 50,000 word novel in the month of November. Yep, just 30 days.
Why on earth would you do that to yourself?
I don’t really know how to answer that.

[End of annoyingly stupid segment in which I talk to myself with the purpose of distracting the reader from realizing that I'm really no good at starting these things. Also-to quickly tell the reader what NaNoWriMo is.]

I have attempted NaNoWriMo twice so far and have failed both times. However, last year was a definite improvement from the previous year. I am hopeful that I will get even further this time…maybe I’ll even win this year. The odds are definitely against me, though. The last two years, I came to November prepared. I had story ideas that I was excited about and characters ready to be developed. This year…I’ve got nothing. I have no idea what I’m going to write about. Sure, I’ve started brainstorming, but nothing has really jumped out to me. I don’t like the ideas that I’ve come up with, so I’ve trashed them. Another thing that could hinder me is schoolwork. My classes this semester are a lot more demanding than the classes I’ve taken in the past. So…this will be interesting. I came very close to talking myself out of even attempting NaNoWriMo this year, but I just couldn’t back down. I just have to try. There is always time to write, and the fact that a NaNoWriMo novel doesn’t need to be good–in fact, it’s doubtful that anyone will read it besides me–takes away a lot of the pressure. It might even be refreshing after writing so many things for school assignments that actually need to be well-written. I can just come home and write as carelessly as I wish. And that’s really the point of NaNoWriMo. To just write. It doesn’t need to be good. You don’t have to impress anyone. Nobody cares. Just get the words down. Create something. It’s a terrible and wonderful thing.

So, I know I haven’t really sold it very well, but I do highly recommend it. It really is a good exercise. So, if NaNoWriMo sounds like something you’d like to do, head on over to www.nanowrimo.org and create a profile!
Also, if you are interested in tracking my progress, or if you want to add me as a writing buddy, you can check out my NaNoWriMo profile here: http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/459521

November 1st is coming!

The Effects of Music

When I listen to really good music, I get this…feeling. It’s very difficult to explain, but I’m sure there are others who can relate, so…those people will get it. It’s not just the lyrics…in fact it usually has nothing to do with the vocals or words (though this is not always the case). It’s the music. When I hear a song that was very well written (musically), I feel it deep in my chest. Like my heart is swelling with awe and is about to burst through my ribcage. Does that sound painful? I don’t mean for it to sound painful. In fact, the feeling often puts a smile on my face. As I read over this, I realize that this all sounds very strange and possibly far-fetched. I think this is because I don’t know how to adequately describe this phenomenon. But I think I’ve seen others experiencing similar things when they observe other beautiful things in the world. I have a friend who just about explodes with excitement when she sees a sunset, and another who gasps at the sight of a beautifully lit photograph, and still another who somehow finds beauty in mathematics (I don’t think I’ll ever fully understand that one, haha). Sometimes, I also get this feeling when I read really good literature or poetry. I think it’s because we are reacting to the complexity and creativity of the One who created it all. And I’ve noticed something with music, regardless of whether or not the artist is aiming to glorify God, he still can, despite his motives. It is the creative ability that God has given him that brings the glory. So, I may be listening to music that was not made by a Christian, but it still can cause me to look upward. I love this. God can take our self-serving deeds and make them into something that we never intended. Also, the fact that we are imitating God, by creating something is quite interesting. The creation reflects the Creator.

So anyway, I was wondering if there are any others out there who know what I’m talking about. Are there particular songs that have this effect on you?
Some songs that always seem to do this to me are:
1812 Overture by Tchaikovsky,
The Crane Wife 1 & 2 by the Decemberists,
The Call Of Ktulu by Metallica (got to love metal instrumentals),
The Dress Looks Nice On You by Sufjan Stevens,
Cologne by Ben Folds,
…and pretty much anything that is sung by a Chorus, especially the one at my church

There are also some songs whose lyrics can get to me in this way. For me, these songs are usually Christian songs. The one I can think of off the top of my head is Building A Sorrowful Loveliness by Telecast (the music of this song gets to me too, but I like the lyrics even more). I especially like the chorus of this song: “Nothing is certain, but I’m certain of You / Pull back this curtain, let your light in this room / And all that’s true, I find in You / The more I drink of Your word / The more I thirst for You”
Various hymns have this effect too, like Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing. Especially this verse: “O to grace how great a debtor / Daily I’m constrained to be! / Let Thy goodness, like a fetter, / Bind my wandering heart to Thee. / Prone to wanter, Lord, I feel it, / Prone to leave the God I love; / Here’s my heart, O take and seal it, / Seal it for Thy courts above.”

I may be procrastinating…

I’m . . . back?

So . . . this is awkward. My last blog post was posted three months shy of a full year ago. A lot can happen in that amount of time. Unfortunately, I somehow managed to decide that none of that was worth blogging about. And now I am out of practice. Let me clarify: 1. There were many blog-worthy events that have happened during this silent era and 2. I have been writing, just not blogging . . . there is a difference.

I’m wondering if anyone is going to read this, since it has been so long, and everyone who read it before probably suspects that this page is cold and buried. I do miss doing this and really want to start doing it again more regularly, but I need to get back into the swing of things. So this is sort of a test run for me to see if I can still do this style of writing.

Goodness, this must be a boring read. I apologize. You have my permission to fix your attentions elsewhere. Perhaps you are waiting to hear back from a friend on Facebook, or you’re wondering if the Vlogbrothers have posted a new video on Youtube today. Go right ahead. Click away, this is merely a practice post. I’ll think of something more interesting to talk about next time. Perhaps tomorrow. No . . . I’ll be finishing the homework that I’m supposed to be doing right now.

Speaking of homework . . . That is probably the main contributing factor to my absence here. Especially this semester. I am taking a Creative Writing: Creative Non-Fiction class. I have been reading a lot and working on a piece for this class. I am writing a memoir-style short story. I am estimating that it will be 15 to 20 pages long. That seemed daunting at first, but the more I get into it, the more it seems that it might actually be longer.
I’m not really sure if I’m actually enjoying writing it. Not that I’m hating it, or anything. It’s just . . . difficult. I’m writing about the experience of losing my mom. I’ve told the story to various people before, so I thought it wouldn’t be that hard. But it is. It most certainly is. I’m hitting so many road blocks that I can’t really imagine reaching my destination anymore. I will, but it’s not going to be easy. It’s a hard place to revisit and my memory has been failing me in certain areas where my story is begging for details. I have to be vigilant in my constant struggle against explaining my emotions and coming off as whiney and pathetic. I definitely think that this class is growing me as a writer. There are so many things that I didn’t even take into account before. Like showing rather than telling and trusting my audience.
I have to keep reminding myself why I am writing this story. It is not necessarily for sympathy. I am writing it because I sort of need to write it. I’ve gotten it out verbally, now I need to get it out textually. I understand my thoughts and memories better when I have written them out. I am writing this story because I don’t want the pictures to fade as they are already. I am writing this story because revisiting the sight reminds me of the things that I have learned. I am writing this story because it could possibly have a positive affect on someone else . . . not that I’m necessarily going to let everyone read it .  But anyway, I’m not sure if this is a story that needs to be told or needs to be heard (or read) but I am compelled to write it nonetheless.

So, anyway, that was a little glimpse of what my mind has been going through over the past few months. I hope it was slightly interesting to read. If you’ve read this far, thanks for sticking with it . As mentioned before, I’m just trying to get back into this because I miss it.     . . . also, I was having trouble with my homework and needed a break .

Hopefully I’ll keep at this.

Short Indeed.

The other day, my dad took me up to arrowhead to meet an old high school friend of his. While we were on our way up the mountain we came to some slow-moving traffic. After a little while, we saw that the left lane was closed off and there were many emergency vehicles up ahead. Naturally, we expected to see two damaged automobiles, but what we saw was far from what was expected. As we approached the place where the emergency vehicles were stopped, I could see some twisted metal approaching. My jaw dropped and an involuntary gasp escaped my mouth as I saw what was causing the commotion. A mangled pick-up truck was sticking out of the pavement. It had fallen front-first and collided with the road. It must have hit with quite a bit of force because the truck-bed that stuck out from the ground was bent back and skewed. I looked to my right to see where the truck undoubtedly had fallen from, it was quite a long drop. I’m sorry to say, there is no way the driver could survive such a crash. We drove past the horrible scene and continued up the mountain. We came to a turnout that was occupied by a few emergency vehicles. My dad, being a curious fireman, decided to stop in the turnout as well. We looked over the edge but it was sort of hard to see the road below the cliff as there were plants and rocks in our view. But we could tell that this was the place where the truck had fallen from. My dad told me that there is no way this was an accident. The driver must have done it on purpose because it was quite a large turnout and there would have been plenty of time to hit the breaks before accelerating off the edge. We got back in the car and talked about what we had seen. I couldn’t get over the thought of what it must have been like to be falling off a cliff from such a height. I couldn’t imagine what was going through that person’s mind. The rest of our day went on just fine, I met my dad’s high school friend and his family and all that (lovely people by the way) and while we were out in Arrowhead Village they ran into a man who my dad’s friend knew. He’s a fireman, so he knew a bit about the crash we had seen earlier. Turns out it was a suicide. It was so intense to realize that I had witnessed the aftermath of someone’s decision to end their own life. I thought about that person and what could have possibly driven them to do such a thing. I thought of the shock and pain that those who knew him must have felt when they found out what had happened.
I’ve actually been thinking about death quite a bit recently. I am probably not the only one what with all these recent celebrity deaths. But I have mainly been reflecting on the death of my mother. After a year it is still incredibly strange for me to realize that she died. It seems like it shouldn’t have happened; nobody saw it coming.  I look back and realize that there have been so many deaths close to me in the past year or so (people that I knew personally or people that I knew of). I think because of all this, I am beginning to hold on quite loosely to life and the lives around me. I am almost expecting that everyone is going to die around me. Of course if someone else close to me dies, I will be devastated, but I don’t think I would be all that surprised. The feebleness of human life is more evident to me than it has ever been before. I have always known that everyone has to die sometime, but I never quite grasped it as I have now. So the truth that I’m getting at in this relentless rambling is that life is short. I know, I know, you’ve heard that a million times. But if you really sit and think about it, it can cause you to change your outlook. Thinking about these things has made me realize that there is so much more I want to do. So much more I should be striving for. I haven’t been glorifying God with all this time that He has allotted to me. I’ve been spending so much time on selfish enjoyments and desires instead of fulfilling my true purpose: to point to the King. I hope and pray that others will come to similar realizations and use what little time is left to serve the Lord. Our lives are so short compared to eternity, we only get a few years here on this earth and many of us are using it to make ourselves miserable in the attempt to find happiness. We need to stop thinking so much about ourselves and focus our attentions on the Creator.

Deuteronomy 6:5  (NASB)
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.”

Ecclesiastes 12:6  (NASB)
“The conclusion, when all has been heard, is: fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person. For God will bring every act to judgement, everything which is hidden, whether it is good or evil.”

I Need to Practice!

Obviously, it’s been quite a while since I’ve posted a new blog post…I’m not entirely sure why that is. The semester ended about a month ago, so I really could have been more active with my writing and whatnot. But, for some reason I’ve shied away from it. “It” being writing of course. It’s strange because I really love to write, but for quite some time now I have been neglecting, my journal, blog, and novel. I started to write a new blog a few weeks ago, but I saved it as a draft and never finished it for some reason (haha). I only recently started working on my book again, which is good…I really want to get some sort of draft done by the end of the year. Well anyway…I am going to try to write a lot more often, especially now that I have a lot more time on my hands, as school is out and I’m still looking for employment. However, the main reason that I have decided to jump back into writing is because a new opportunity has come about. 
     I recently went over to a friend’s house to talk and have breakfast. We talked about things we are going through and things the Lord has been showing us. Then we played battleship and between our firings of “E-4″ and “A-7″ my friend would ask me random questions and we’d go off on little tangents. We somehow came to the subject of my love of writing. I told her a bit about the book I’m working on and whatnot and then she got excited and and I could tell that some sort of connection was being made in her mind. She told me about an opportunity in our church. She said that a lady was looking for someone who could write about different events and goings on in the church for missionaries and other brothers and sisters who are not able to be there. This opportunity is right up my alley! I have been wanting to become more involved in this church and I also have always wanted to use my writing for some purpose other than my own personal gain. I talked to the lady today at church and gave her my information, so hopefully, I will be able to serve the church in this way soon. But, for now, I think I need to keep my hands typing and my pen moving. I feel I am a bit rusty with my words and I could use some practice and warming up. So hopefully, I’ll be more frequent in my blogging from now on. If you have any constructive criticism for me, do tell!

New Light on Easter Weekend

Part One: Good Friday

On Good Friday I woke up a bit late, I hurried to get ready for a 12 PM church service. As I was finishing up with styling my hair, I imagined my mother knocking on the door and asking if I was almost ready. It struck me that this was going to be my first easter weekend without my mom. I thought back to last year: this time last year I had no idea that my mom would be gone in a little less than a month. I began to tear up. We should be going to this service together, I thought. My dad was at work, so, in my house, I was completely alone. The silence was really starting to get to me. I began to feel more and more upset, wanting so badly to have my mother there with me. As I continued to get ready for the service, I continued to cry about it all. I kept on praying for God to take my mind off of it. I asked Him to comfort me and help me to focus on what Good Friday was all about, because, clearly I did not have things in perspective. Then He brought a comforting thought to my mind: I’m celebrating Good Friday, the day that Christ died for our transgressions so that we can one day go to heaven and live in paradise with Him for all eternity. My mom is in His presence right now because of what He did for her…and someday I will be there too. How amazing it must be for her, to be with our Lord face-to-face! After thinking about all of this, I no longer wished that my mother was still with me. I became overjoyed for her. She made it. She’s there. Every follower of Christ yearns to be in His presence, and she’s there! What a blessing! With this in mind, I headed off to church and the Lord continued to bless me throughout the day. 

Part Two: Easter sunday

Waking up on Easter Sunday, again I began to feel depressed. I pictured my mom in her blue summer dress, asking me to help her pick out jewelry to wear with it (She used to always call me her “fashion consultant.” ). I tried to cheer myself up by reminding myself of the things God showed me on Good Friday, but it only half worked. Holidays will always be hard for me. At church our pastor spoke of the meaning of Easter, which definitely helped me put things into perspective. I was reminded that the resurrection is proof of the accomplishment of the cross, and the deity of Christ. Something that I was also reminded of is that, because Christ rose from the dead, we too can rise and meet Him in heaven.
Sometimes we still get mail addressed to my mother. If it is anything church or ministry related, I take it and open it. A few weeks ago, a newsletter from a ministry called Hope for Today came in the mail for her. I went to my room and opened it. The things that I read from it were very encouraging. It was talking about how we, as christians, have hope beyond the grave. When we die, our spirits will rise to be with the Lord in paradise, just as Christ rose from the dead. It talked about how, if the rapture happens in our lifetime, those who have died in Christ will rise first, and then we will be taken up to join them! (1 Thess. 4:13-18). We will meet with them in the heavens! This brought great comfort to me. Another comforting passage that it listed was this: Revelation 14:13b- “‘Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on!’ ‘Yes,’ says the Spirit, ‘that they may rest from their labors and their deeds follow with them.’”   -My mother is in a place of rest! And she is rewarded for her deeds!

Part Tree: Conclusion

So overall this past weekend, the Lord has blessed me in taking the basic things that I’ve known to be true and caused me to see them in a new light. My mom is an example of why Jesus did what He did, and having this example helps me to understand what that means for me. The gospel message has become more real to me now than ever before. Praise the Lord!

Parents and Children

Lately, I’ve been thinking about parents. There is something I find quite interesting:

When a couple has a child, it becomes their duty to raise them in such a way that they will contribute well to society and be a decent, respectable person; a person living a purposeful life. They go to great lengths to raise this child in the right way and often worry about whether or not the child will love them. Parents often feel that flaws in their child reflect flaws in their parenting. Meanwhile, this child is always seeking the approval of its parents.  We all just want to be certain that our parents really love us. We all long to hear our parents say “I’m proud of you.” Probably even more so the older we are. So, if you think about it, it’s like a strange cycle: parents are hoping to gain the love and approval of their child (as well as approval in how they raised their child), and children are hoping to gain the love and approval of their parents. This is all in a general sense, of course. There is something there between a parent and child. We need each other. We need each other until we have that final answer: Did I do a good job? Did my child turn out well? Did I make my parents proud? I think it is interesting that we find so much meaning in the answers to such questions. 

Even when a parent has died, as my mother has, one of the main things that floats around in the child’s mind is the question, “Did I make my mother/father proud?” To know that you did, makes all the difference in your coping.

And with parents that are still living, even if they have assured you that they are proud of you, you need re-assurance. Well I know I do, it may be different for others. I think it’s because things seem to change so much, we fear that nothing is constant. 

I don’t really have a point in all of this, it’s just something I was thinking about. I’m not really sure how to wrap this up… Well, if you have any thoughts on this, leave a comment, I’d love to read your thoughts. (by the way, I’m pretty sure  you don’t need to be signed up with this website to leave a comment, so go ahead!)

Why, Hello Again

I don’t really have a plan for this post. I just feel like I hardly ever post new blogs anymore. I used to put them up at least once a week, but now, I think I’ve either run out of things to say, or I’ve lost confidence in my ability to write. I think it’s mostly the second one. I probably am not so sure of my writing anymore because I spend less time reading than I used to. I don’t have as much free time to do so, and when I do have free time I spend it doing other things. More often than not “other things” includes, wasting a lot of time on YouTube. I used to spend my free time either reading a book, writing, spending time with friends or watching television, but now I spend a considerable amount of my time watching new videos from my favorite YouTube channels. Pathetic. Waste. Of. Time. Don’t get me wrong, there are many brilliant and entertaining things on YouTube, but I just don’t think it is very good for someone, such as myself, to spend such a large amount of time on it. But alas, I’ve become addicted. I sign in to YouTube at least three times a day to check if any of the people I am subscribed to have posted a new video. I currently am subscribed to about 52 different channels and I now join in a collaboration channel with some of my friends (no, I will not give you a link to it because, frankly, I am embraced of my lack of speaking skill, or any ability to be interesting…it’s a wonder anybody reads these blogs). There is, however, an upside to my compulsive YouTube-video-watching, I am learning about people (not just specific people, but people in general). It is interesting to see other people’s points of view and how different they are. It is interesting to see what people outside of America think about certain issues. It’s a bit refreshing to look at things from different perspectives.
          But anyway, I guess now I’ll tell you how school is going. That seems to be one of the first things that people ask me about whenever I talk to them. How’s school? Well, it’s going good. This semester is definitely better than last semester. I find all of the subjects that I’m taking to be very interesting and I am learning a lot. It’s also nice that this semester I actually have friends in my classes; It does really make a difference to have friends there. My only complaint about school right now is the reading. Oh the reading! So very much reading! Now, most people are aware that I love to read, but I love to read novels, not textbooks. It is so hard for me to just sit down and read a textbook. Many times I find myself sitting down to read my textbook then a novel catches my eye. “Andrea…” it seems to whisper, “why waste your time with that boring textbook when you could be reading something entertaining.” Seriously. More often than not, I give in the the novel’s tempting whispers and end up not being prepared for class. Go figure. Maybe I should lock up my novels until the end of the semester. Oh, but then I’d lose my sanity!

                     [That second paragraph seems to somewhat contradict the first one....oh well. You can figure it out.]

         There was another thing I wanted to talk about: spring break. Yes, spring break is coming up next month. That wonderful week where I normally just relax and pretend that it’s summer. This time, I’m going to be going up to northern California to visit with some family. I will be riding on a plane by myself! Well…there will be other passengers of course, but by myself in the sense that nobody I know is traveling with me. I’m not afraid of flying (I’ve flown before) so I’m actually rather excited. Then I will get to stay with my aunt and uncle and visit with my cousins. It’s been so long since I’ve actually gone up there, They are normally the ones to travel down here. So, that’s exciting

Well, I’m pretty sure that’s all I have to say for now. I just thought I’d type out another blog. I forgot how much I enjoyed it. Plus it’s nice to communicate in some way, as my mouth is really numb at the moment (I just got back from the dentist) and I can’t really talk without sounding like I have some sort of speech impediment. I’m so hungry but I can’t eat! AAAAHHHHH!!! Okay, I’m done now. 

Until next time.

A New Semester and Some Other Ramblings

I started the new semester this week. So far it looks like it will be an interesting semester. Hopefully it won’t be too stressful for me. Two of my classes look like they will be a lot of work and I’ll need to be very disciplined to keep up. I’m taking Cultural Geography, U.S. History, Music Appreciation, and Eastern Philosophy. The two that seem more difficult are the cultural geography and eastern philosophy classes. But luckily both of those class are things that I really want to learn about and am actually quite excited about. The other two classes will be pretty laid back. I think I’ll be extremely busy this semester. I hope I’ll still have time to work on my novel. I need to try not to put that before my school work, though. I hope this semester goes a lot better than last semester did. 

I don’t really have much to say right now. I’m kind of out of it right now because I’ve been doing homework for most of the day. I’m in an extremely quiet, calm mood right now. 

Oh! I don’t think I mentioned on here, I got a new car (well, new to me, it’s used). It’s a 1998 Accord and it’s in really good condition (I named it Captain Accordion). It’s better than my Altima was, so I guess the accident turned out to be a good thing. I actually got the car on my mom’s birthday (Jan. 5) so that’s kind of weird. On that day we just had all the family get together in remembrance of her. We had a cake and sang happy birthday, which seemed odd to me…age no longer exists where she is. After we spent time with the family, my dad and I just hung out together for the rest of the day and I got my car that night. My dad said that she would have liked that I got a car on her birthday. We bought some really colorful flowers to put by her urn. I got a picture of her in a really nice frame for christmas so now that’s up by her urn too, it looks like a little memorial for her. It’s taken me a while, but I am really realizing that God is taking care of me through all of this. I am starting to get a glimpse of how much He loves me. 

So far this year I’m already learning a lot. I think that this year will contain just as much change as last year. And hopefully with less heartache.

Christmas Eve To The New Year

It’s been a while since I’ve posted a blog but I’ve been feeling rather uninspired and have had trouble getting my thoughts together. I spent most of today reading though, so I feel like I can possibly post something worth reading today. 

Where to start….ah christmas eve. 

Part One: Christmas Eve

Every year my family (mom’s side of the family) has a get-together with the grandparents and the aunts and uncles and whatnot. We all met up at my uncle’s house and we had dinner as usual and enjoyed each other’s company. At these family get-togethers there are two tables: the large dining room table and the small foldable card table. You guessed it, the smaller table is the table for the kids, we always refer to it as “The Little Table.” For my entire life I have always been seated at The Little Table. I was always the youngest grandchild until I was ten years old and my cousin, Christian was born. Then three years after him, his sister heather was born. You would think that now that I am considerably older than the two youngest grandchildren, I would be promoted to The Big Table. Nope. I am still seated at The Little Table, making sure the kids eat all their vegetables and listening to their imaginative stories. Every time we have a family get-together, I think that maybe I’ll sit at The Big Table with all the adults (especially this past year since I finally  turned 18 last June) and become slightly disappointed when I realize I’ve been mistaken. But always after sitting with the kids for a while, I am glad to still be seated at The Little Table. It gives me a chance to see what’s going on with the little ones and to see how they’ve grown. I especially appreciated it this year. You see, my late mother adored children. She loved children more than pirates love treasure. She especially loved those children. She played with them, she took care of them, she taught them, and she pretty much helped raise them until she died. When she was alive, I always knew what was going on with the kids because she would always get updates from my aunt and pass all the news on to me, or she would go babysit them and tell me all the cute things they said and did. 
      So, on christmas eve this year, as I filled my plate with christmas dinner hoping to sit at The Big Table, I glanced at my little cousin, Heather and she smiled and eager smile and said “Andrea! Sit by me!” as she tapped her hand on the place setting next to hers. I smiled back at her, while inside I was a bit frustrated. But as I sat down, I remembered my mother. Well, it’s not like I had forgotten her or anything, but I remembered her…more. I remembered specifics. I remembered how thrilled she would be to sit there next to that little five-year-old girl. I remembered all the time she invested in her, and in me. I sat there and conversed with Heather, listening to her small voice as she talked about princesses and her school friends. And in that moment I felt that I was in the place of my mother. I felt her loving emotions, I thought her caring thoughts, I listened intently just as she did. It was such a peaceful feeling. 
     We finished our plates and the children ran off in a hyper excitement, staring at the presents under the tree. I walked over to The Big Table and sat next to my great aunt. We all watched as the kids opened their gifts. Then it was the adults’ turn. One of my aunts had given some presents that were to multiple persons and one of those was to my father and I, so I moved to a seat next to him which was more toward the back. We opened the present at the same time that everyone else opened it (we all got the same thing from her). It was an ornament with a poem. It was supposed to be like a letter from my mom to us from heaven. I found it to be extremely depressing and cried for a while. That night, it seemed that most my presents had to do with my mom. It was like they thought I had forgotten and wanted to put it all back in my face. I know the intentions were good ones, but I think their way of dealing with things are different from mine. To me it seems that they keep dwelling and drowning in their sorrow, while I am just doing my best to keep moving forward. While I do like to remember her, I don’t think it is a good idea to constantly morn for her.
     While we were finishing up with the presents and talking to each other, my phone rang. It was my brother! If you didn’t know, my brother is a marine and he is in Japan right now. It was so good to talk to him! I passed the phone around so everyone else got to talk to him too. So it was kind of like he was there for a little bit. 
     When all the relatives had left except my father and I (and of course my aunt, uncle and little cousins who lived there), my dad went outside with my uncle to have a cigar with him, my aunt went to her room to get ready for bed and I stayed and played with the kids. Heather and I played Barbies while Christian used his action figures to “attack” us. It had been so long since I had really gotten to spend time with them. I don’t think I’ve actually played with them since my mother died. Here and there, Christian would mention my mom and it made me feel good. I’m so glad that they remember her.

Part Two: Christmas

On Christmas day my dad had to work at the fire station. He works out in the desert so it’s about an hour and a half drive. When he works at the fire station he works 48 hours straight, so he leaves early in the morning and spends the night and whatnot. He worked last christmas too, so last year it was just me and my mom on christmas morning (my brother was in Japan then too). Since this was my first christmas without my mom, I decided to go to the fire station with my dad so I could be with him for christmas. I originally planned on following him there when he left for work at around 5:00 a.m. but when he woke me up I was exhausted so I decided to just drive there myself later on in the morning (mind you, I went to bed at 1 a.m. prior). I left the house at around 9:30 a.m. The drive was a long one for me as I usually only have to drive to places 15 to 30 minutes from my house. The weather was horrible too; the winds were strong and the rains were hard. I had to really focus. I listened to Sufjan Stevens christmas music the whole way there, I think that really kept me going. When I finally arrived at the station my dad walked me around and introduced me to people I already knew (haha). I talked with some of them for a while then watched them do their gift exchange. When they finished, my dad and I went into his room and gave each other the gifts we got for each other and just talked for a little bit. Then two of the firemen’s wives came and we all had dinner together. It was a rather odd christmas. It really didn’t feel like christmas at all; it just felt like I was visiting my dad at work for no particular reason. I started the drive home at around 4:30 p.m. The weather had gotten a lot worse. I struggled to keep my vehicle in my lane. I had to drive slow in order to keep control. I got home at around 6:20. That drive was ridiculously long. When I got home I felt like I never wanted to drive ever again (the feeling wore off in a couple of days, thankfully).
      I had planned on visiting my friends Sarah and Miguel after I got back from my dad’s work. They wanted to go to the movies and, much to my relief, they said they would drive me. It was so nice to see them again. So we went to the movies and saw Bedtime Stories. It was a cute movie. Then when we got out of the movie, I was feeling extremely tired even though it was only about 10:00 p.m. I felt like an old lady when I told them I was tired and wanted to go home for the night. 

Part Three: New Years eve

I didn’t really have much planned for new years. A lot of my friends were going to church, but my friend Jen had to work and got off at around 8:00 p.m. So I decided I’d just go to her house after she got off work so we would both have someone to hang out with for new years. We basically just stayed in her room and talked the whole time and didn’t even really celebrate the new year when it came. But it was nice to talk to her and whatnot. My other friend, Karen (Jen’s sister) came home sometime after midnight and the three of us just clowned around until I decided to come home. 
      I don’t really understand all the excitement about new years. It has no real meaning, it’s just a marker in time. We don’t celebrate new months or new weeks, so why do we celebrate new years? Some people say it’s a fresh new start, but I don’t see how that could be. Just because it’s a new year doesn’t mean the last year is erased. The new year is just a continuation of time. And by the end of this year, you’re going to be hoping for another “fresh start” in the year after that. So what is the point? We get all excited for a new year when we have no idea what the new year will hold. I certainly didn’t expect all the trials that came with this year. I hate to be a downer, but I really don’t get it. …..Happy New Year! lol

Two Empty Stockings

The other day, we put up christmas decorations. As I adorned the tree with ornaments, I remembered how that last few years it was my mother and I who would decorate the tree together. At first I was decorating it all by myself, but my dad eventually came and helped me. I managed to keep my composure while we finished the tree together. I walked back to the box of christmas decorations and found all the christmas snoopy stuffed animals that my mom had. Snoopy was her favorite. I got misty-eyed as I carried one over to her urn and placed it near the vase of roses I put there a few days before. Then there were the stockings. As I hung the stockings over the fireplace I remembered last christmas when looking at my brother’s stocking knowing he would not be able to come home from christmas caused tears to stream down my face. Now there will be two empty stockings. Only one of them will never be filled again. As I stood there staring at them, thinking such things, I became confused. I wasn’t crying. Tearing up a little bit, maybe, but not crying as I did last year when I only missed my still-living brother. I felt a numbness. I wasn’t devastated. But why? I should have lost it. I should have been weeping. It reminded me of a conversation I had with my brother, not too long after my mother died. We were talking about how everyone expected us to always look sad and not to laugh or smile at anything. Or at least we felt like that’s what they expected. So we felt kind of guilty every time something made us laugh. That’s kind of what I’m feeling now. Like I should be mourning every second. Because my mother is a woman to be greatly missed. When I really think about this I do realize it’s not quite right, but for some reason it feels like it is. I know that my mother would want me to feel happy. I know that she wouldn’t want me to be in mourning all the time. I know that nobody expects that of me. I know that it’s not disrespectful to to be happy. I don’t understand why it makes me feel guilty.

No Vember

I realize that I haven’t posted a blog in quite a while. I’ve been slacking in my journal writing as well. I just spent some time today writing about four pages of what’s been going on this month in my journal. So I figured I should take some time to blog as well. It is pretty relaxing. 

Hmm…where to start. Well I didn’t get very far in my NaNoWriMo novel, I’ve only written about 3,400 words. I’ve been a bit too busy to write. But what I have written I’ve enjoyed and I still plan on finishing the novel. I’m actually pretty excited about it. I’ve had the idea for it in my mind for quite some time and it’s nice to finally do something with it and see it come to life. A few of my friends have read what I’ve written so far and they really liked it and want to read more, so that makes me feel pretty good. I didn’t expect to write something that anyone would really like. Maybe I will be a successful novelist some day.

This month has been hard for me. I’ve been missing my mother like crazy. It was weird not to have her here for thanksgiving. It will be weird to not have her here for christmas. This year, it will be just me and my dad for christmas. And I won’t even be at home either because my dad is working on christmas day so I’m going with him to the fire station and driving back by myself that night. It’s going to be very emotional. But I guess I have to start getting used to the absence of my mother. I’m still not used to it after 6 months. It’s still strange, I can still feel the hole. The lack of something wonderful. The lack of an intense love and care. Because nobody can possibly love me like my mother did. 

I was filling out my new calendar for 2009, and it made me a bit sad. Writing in all the special days that my mother will be absent for. Realizing that I will never again make her a birthday card, mother’s day card, or christmas card. I also realized that my mom died about 5 days before mother’s day. That was slightly distressing. 

Okay, enough with the sad stuff…I’ve been going to a lot of hockey games this month. It’s been really fun. My dad has season tickets for the Ontario Reign and we have really good seats…like four rows from the glass…yes, be jealous haha. It’s really awesome. 

My friend Jennifer and I went to see my favorite band, The Decemberists, the other day. It was amazing to say the least. There is something about seeing a band live that just intensifies my love and appreciation of their music. It’s such a beautiful thing to see musicians creating masterpieces right in front of you, in the very room you stand in. 

My first semester of college is coming to a stressful end. finals are coming up, and papers are due soon. So I’ve been stressing about that lately. But I think I’ll do alright, it’s really just a matter of sitting down and really concentrating…that’s just been a little difficult lately. I plan on taking easier classes next semester.

I finished my Christmas shopping. What a relief. I was worried for a while that I’d have to take some money out of my savings to buy christmas presents. But I ended up having enough. My employer hasn’t been working me very much lately so I’ve been pretty broke. I’ve been driving my brother’s car too because we still haven’t found another one for me since the accident. My brother’s car is such a gas hog so, thankfully, my dad has been helping me out with gas. But I feel bad when he helps me with money. I want to be able to afford everything myself. I want to grow up and learn to be an adult. But I guess that will be easier when I get paid more. I’m looking for another job. I’m not sure if I want to quit my old one and just have one new job, or to just add a new job, and still work for my old job as well since they hardly work me anyway. But I don’t know if it would be worth it or not. Next semester I will have a better school schedule, so it might be easier to manage a schedule. But anyway, this is all very boring. 

I hope you all had a nice month. Get your christmas shopping done! You will feel better!

Thanks for taking an interest in my blog.

A Novel In a Month?

This month is going to be one of the most busy and hectic months of my life…and it is all my doing. So I’m a kind of behind in my school-work because last week, I spent almost no time on homework due to the car accident, John Green’s book signing (truly the highlight of my week…and possibly month…year? haha), halloween, and other busy fun things. Plus I’ve been making more of an effort to go to church, which means I have to learn to manage my time better. So yeah, those are my excuses for being behind(not to mention I ditched some of my classes…I know, I’m a terrible scholar haha). So this month I really need to buckle down because the semester is going to be over before I know it. Another reason I will be busy this month is because it contains two very important birthdays of friends that I see often, therefore I will, no doubt, be invited to whatever it is they are putting on…or whatever. Reason 3: thanksgiving + christmas-shopping-rush at work(most likely). #4-My best friend Jen and I are going to see my favorite band, The Decemberists! I can’t wait!!!

Thing 5: NaNoWriMo. National Novel Writing Month that is. I’ve decided to participate in it this year, and I’m quite excited about it. If you don’t know, NaNoWriMo is this thing where every november whoever wants to participate, writes a 50,000 word novel in the month of November. No joke: start writing on November 1st and be finished by November 30th. It’s basically just a thing to get your creative juices flowing and help you not to worry so much about whether or not it is “good.” Just write it, get it out, do what you want…and if it’s crap, it’s crap and your just awesome for even trying. And naturally, since I am an aspiring author, this really appealed to me. I’m getting a late start though, because I didn’t decide to do it until the 5th, so I need to get crack’n! But even if I don’t finish all the way to 50,000 words, it will be nice to have tried, and perhaps I will continue to write even when it’s all over…maybe it will actually be good haha. 
If you want to know more about NaNoWriMo, and maybe even join, the website is: http://www.nanowrimo.org/
…and my personal profile on there is at: http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/459521
…so if you want to do it too, make a profile and whatnot then add me as a writing buddy and we can encourage each other and whatnot. I’d love that

So yeah. Now you know why I will be busy this month. So that, of course means that my blogs will be few and far between…well most likely anyway. Maybe I will post excerpts of my novel every once in a while…if I deem it worthy.

What Just Happened?

Today(well, technically yesterday since it’s past midnight now), I went to a family get-together for my grandpa’s birthday. I had a good time talking to my family, catching up and whatnot. I didn’t want to say goodbye, but it was getting dark, and we were all parting ways. On my way home, I was relaxed, thinking about my day, listening to radiohead, just cruising. I was approaching an intersection (at Church and Rochester, some of you may know where that is) my light was green and I was going straight. It was one of those intersections where the people turning left have to yield to the oncoming traffic. Well, the guy across from me did not yield. It happened so fast, one minute, I’m driving, the next minute, my car is sliding sideways, the airbags inflating in my face, white powder everywhere. I started freaking out, disoriented. “oh my God, oh my God, oh my God…” or something like that. seeing the cracked windshield and realizing how bad the accident was, I touched my face. No blood. “Thank God,” I said aloud, and I meant it. I looked around my car, everything misplaced. I tried to open my door. It wouldn’t budge, I started getting misty-eyed, and hyperventilated a little bit. I looked up and saw a man coming toward my car with a concerned look on his face. I rolled down the window and he asked me if I was okay, “I can’t open my door,” was all I could manage in my state of disorientation. He pulled on it for a little while, and got it to open. As I turned to exit the vehicle, I felt a sharp pain in my leg “my leg hurts” I told the man. He was on the phone calling the police, “here, come over and sit on the curb,” he walked with me as I limped to the curb. When he saw that I was okay, he walked back to the other car. I just sat there for a moment, looking at my car. My baby was totaled. I looked up and saw the curious passers by, and thought it odd to be on the other end of things for once. I called my dad. When he answered, I didn’t know what to say, I was still breathing heavily, almost crying. “What’s wrong?” he asked. I told him about the accident, and he tried to calm me. I wasn’t so much worried about myself, to be honest, I was worried about my car(lol). A man on his bicycle had stopped and asked me if I was okay, I told him I was and continued to talk on the phone with my dad. When we hung up, I walked back over to my car in a daze. I sat in the driver seat and reached over to get my purse. The police and firefighters arrived quickly. I was the only one injured, so they all swarmed around me at my car, asking me various questions. Questions that I would have to answer multiple times through the night. They took me in an ambulance to the emergency room because my leg was swollen, and hurt(still hurts) pretty bad. They strapped me onto a stretcher, which I thought was unnecessary and lifted me into the ambulance. So I had a pleasant talk with the attractive paramedic on the way to the hospital(haha). My dad was an hour or so away, so his friend came to the hospital to help me and whatnot. This was my first time ever being a patient in a hospital. They ended up taking me to the same hospital that my mom died in, which of course brought on some horrible flashbacks, but I resisted the urge to cry because I didn’t want people to think that I was crying over my leg….plus I didn’t want to explain it to them either. It was weird to be in the very emergency room that she was in. The very place that I realized she might die. The very place that I had to make the decision of whether to let her die, or let her live in a state of no recognition, no remembrance, no understanding…a state in which she would not wish to live. It was weird to see that waiting room that my family crowded into in panic and worry, discussing the options and hoping she’d at least be alive when Daniel got there….well you get the idea…lots of memories that I could do without. But anyway, they took some x-rays, and checked me out and whatnot. I’m fine. Nothing is broken, just a messed up, swollen leg that’s gonna hurt for a while, and my neck and back will be sore. ..Oh and I have a sort of “rug burn” on my nose and on my chin from the airbag. My dad called me rudolf because my nose is red (ha). 

So I don’t have a car right now. and my CDs and a book my grandma gave me are still in my car…so we have to figure out where my car is and everything tomorrow. I’ll be driving my dad’s car until we get a rent-a-car. So yeah, I think I about covered everything. Just thought this would be something I should blog about. I’m still kind of shocked though. That was the last thing I expected. I guess that’s why they so fittingly call them accidents. My first accident. I’m going to be a paranoid driver for a while. 

I’m going to miss my car. RIP Sufjan, you were a good car. lol

Flowers

I miss my mother. Like you wouldn’t believe. The reality of her death is hitting me pretty hard today. I miss her love, her compassion, her encouragement, her wisdom, her smile, her hugs, her kindness, her thoughtfulness, and her perseverance. But most of all I miss having a mother. And what a mother. 
I bought her some flowers today. White daisies and a soft orange and pink rose. She would have loved them. I put them by her urn.
Honestly, sometimes I wish we had buried her, just so I could have a place to go, away from this house, to mourn for her. Outside, cool air, in a solemn place. To sit by a tomb stone, with her name on it, and think about her and cry for her. 
But I guess it is nice to have her ashes right in the living room. I walk past it everyday. And I can look at the flowers I bought her and remember why bought them.

Perceptions

I have recently read the book Paper Towns (by John Green) and, not only did I thoroughly enjoy the story, I leaned from it. The book is ultimately about perceptions and how we imagine each other. I have two things to talk about considering these things.

1. At one point in the book, one of the characters talks about expectations. He basically said that we should not be mad at other people for not being the way we think they should be. For example, if someone is late to things all the time, we shouldn’t be mad that they aren’t on time, like we expect they should be, because being late is just part of who they are. And we should accept that and remember that there are other reasons to like that person, and our opinion of them shouldn’t be based on their flaws. This made me re-think a lot of things regarding some of my friends and family, and even myself. I realized that I was getting upset at people for not being like me. And it also occurred to me that they were looking at me in the same way. It’s really interesting if you think about it. This could also be helpful in dealing with the people around you.

2. The second point is similar: People often do not see other people as they really are, no matter how well they know them. We imagine each other a certain way and are normally very wrong about our imaginings. People may not be who we think they are, and maybe we should be careful how quickly and easily we draw conclusions. The pictures you have painted of the people in your life may be completely inaccurate.

On Voting…

So I have a few things to talk about that have to do with voting. This blog post comes in 4 parts…

#1: This year will be my first time voting ever. And it occurred to me that my first time voting, will be the first election after my mother’s death. So my first time voting=first time my mom is not voting. So in a way I feel like I am taking her place and making up for a lost vote….sort of. I just thought it was odd. Because it’s kind of true, we typically saw eye to eye on issues and politics and whatnot. So I think she would pretty much vote the same way I will….Maybe not exactly the same, but pretty close. But anyway…I just thought that was kind of strange.

#2: I’m a bit frustrated about something. I was still 17 during the primaries so I didn’t get to vote then. But I am going to be able to vote for the election. That’s ridiculous!!! I think that, if you are going to participate in the November elections, you should be able to choose a candidate in the primary! So, I’m kind of upset about that. So even if the candidate that I vote for gets elected, I still have room to complain, because he wasn’t my first pick, he is simply the better of two not-so-good choices. But whatever, I guess there is nothing I can really do about that. But I’m still going to vote!

#3: If you are able to vote….VOTE! Something I always say: If you didn’t vote, you can’t complain. It frustrates me so much to see people who are old enough to vote, and aren’t even bothering to register. Don’t you care about the country you live in? Don’t you want to do all you can to make it better? And what bothers me more is, some of the people who do vote, don’t vote based on anything but what the media tells them…ugh, that makes me so angry. But anyway….yeah, I don’t want to go on and on about this, just wanted to put that out there. So yeah, VOTE, but don’t just vote, VOTE RESPONSIBLY.

#4: Have a nice day haha